apparently, you have no shame
for A in G who is unfamiliar with guilt and shame
I never thought I’d write something to you, or about you, again. I thought I had already wasted all of the words towards you but it seems like my calculation is wrong. Yeah, I know that I’m bad at math.
My writings to you may seem like a quite long drive. Driven by the turbulence of emotion of heartbreak and anger, collided with a pinch of creativity just for the sake of sanity. I thought the drive had come to an end, but it appeared that I needed to make another stop.
I know you’re doing well there, in your hometown. Alone without the warmth of your mom’s embrace. Do you know that I couldn’t even sing the “abcdefu” song because I couldn’t bring myself to curse your deceased mother?
About you doing well is just my assumption. But it does seem like you’re really, really, really doing well. Congratulations, God still favors you. Maybe I’m too much of a sinner that God punishes me with agony instead of you, while you’re the perpetrator. Life isn’t fair and I know that damn well.
Have you ever heard the saying that says we hold a piece of someone else throughout our entire lives? That we are the mosaic of everyone we have ever loved even for a heartbeat? Have you?
That saying is so romantic and poetic if you deep dive into it. We are never truly ourselves in reality, because we hold different pieces of someone else. That actually, we are also a piece of the puzzle of someone else’s life.
When I knew that you still had a piece of me, I didn’t feel that poetic feeling. Instead, I want to rip any pieces of me out of you and your life. It disgusts me how you brag about something that is initially coming from me, without even giving me credit.
But yeah, why would you give a credit? You treated me like I was nothing yet took advantage of me while you could do so. Why would I be surprised when you have no guilt or shame?
