on keep trying new things despite everything
“To learn something new, you need to try new things and not be afraid to be wrong.”
― Roy T. Bennett
I must admit that when I was a child, I dreamed of becoming an actor or actress. It’s not about a specific movie, actor-actress, or fame. As a child who prefers to sit in the corner of a room with my books and snacks, being the center of attention has never been easy. I could only tolerate being the center of attention for a short time.
So why did I dream about a life full of flashlights and being watched by a lot of people?
The answer is simple: I believed that actors could take on different roles. This means they could live various lives depending on the roles they played, experiencing almost every kind of life on earth. They could be a filthy-rich person, a spy, a frustrated housewife, a good person who falls in love with their neighbor, a clumsy individual everyone adores, or even a sly, cunning person who turns out to be a heartthrob.
To portray those roles well, they must do their research and immerse themselves in a lifestyle that suits the role. Isn’t that fun to be someone else? But alas, I understand that I have no knack for acting and my face isn’t as striking as those actors in movies. So I gave up that dream.
Then, I grew up and became an adult who bears the generational trauma and has many things to untangle. The dream of becoming an actor never came back and that is fine.
Living my life as an adult made me some sort of actor somehow, in some ways. I realized that human isn’t a one-dimensional creature. Humans have a lot of sides and different roles are given to them. Becoming an adult, I discover my roles; me as a child, a sister, a quirky kid in the classroom, a corporate worker, and a quiet friend — or perhaps an antagonist in someone else’s life.
I fathom that I have different roles within myself, and I’m unsure if I can play them well enough not to disappoint people.
Living as an adult certainly has its pros and cons. Pros: you can get money. Cons: you have to work to earn that money.
When people say that money isn’t everything, I have this need to laugh at their faces. We live in a modern society, not a stone-age society. Money does matter no matter what anyone says, and no need to deny that. That thing that could turn people into some greedy-tone deaf monster can expose you to a lot of things and opportunities.
I came from a borderline poor family. I remember when my parents needed to pawn our TV to get through the month. We couldn’t afford to buy a house, so we rented a small house and couldn’t fill it with lots of good (not fancy, just good) furniture. I recalled the time when I needed to go to the landlord’s house and tell them that the money was going to be late without fully understanding what that really meant.
Because of that, I couldn’t try a lot of things. I didn’t sign up for any extra lessons because my family didn’t have the money. When my friends joined the ballet class, piano, abacus, foreign language, dancing, swimming, and more, I didn’t.
Now that I’ve become an adult and earn my own money, I have the resources to try all those things I wanted as a child. It’s not a lie when I say that adulthood is when you make amends for the things you couldn’t get in your childhood. Makin up the missed childhood experience. Entertaining the inner child, people say. Maybe it’s way too late for me to join ballet, but we can try some dance classes — flamenco or salsa, perhaps?
But time is limited, and responsibilities weigh you down. Sometimes, the mental being kicks in and affects your life and all of those plans just wither away. There’ll be a time when you have to say goodbye to the things that you want to try simply because you need to prioritize other things.
Being an adult means you have to set priorities each day and make sacrifices, even if it means giving up some of your own joy.
But despite those things, I wish to keep on trying new things. I want to experience life so that when I grow older, I will have stories to tell.
