the woman who loves too much
and people call her a fool
Ma, they say that a woman’s love must not be bigger than a man’s. Is that true?
Ma, they say that a relationship can work out well only if a man bears the heaviest love, not a woman. Does that hold true?
Then what about them — the women whose hearts are as vast as seven oceans and whose love beats the Mariana trench? Does that mean they are hard to love? Does that mean they are simply fools?
Then what about me, Ma?
I’ve seen your enormous love towards the man you call husband, yet I don’t see he reciprocates what you did but you still love him nevertheless. I believe that for years, I believe that’s how people love someone and people mocked me as a fool. But Ma, that’s how I have understood love in my whole life, — you have to give your all.
Do not love a man too much. A woman should not do that. That’s what they say.
Then what about me, Ma? How about me, who always gives such huge love? I’m a true lover, Ma. I cannot go half-heartedly when it comes to loving.
Sure, sometimes I’m proud of myself. I’m a true lover after all, Ma. Living in an era where people dispose of other people’s feelings like it is trash. I live in an era where genuine love starts to fade. But people keep calling me a fool for always carrying this big love everywhere.
And what about it, Ma? What if I’m the one who has the bigger love? Is that really wrong? Is that really forbidden? Is love not always 50:50? And if I am indeed a fool, then what about it, Ma?
I know, Ma, I know, everything in excess is bad, and love is not an exception. But I never learned how to pull the brakes, I never learned how to measure the love so it’ll be the right amount, you never showed me that. And of course, I have no idea, Ma, that my love can suffocate someone.
At that point, I know that I need to tame this raging wave of love within me, Ma. I need to unlearn the love you taught me. It is never easy, Ma. I go for a lot of trial and error. I’ve wandered to the wrong places looking for love. And it pains me because I take pity on you, and I wonder who’s going to save you?
