things I’m aware of as a hopeless romantic
“You’re just like Ted Mosby, Val.”
When I told my friend that I had started to watch the famous romance-comedy/drama series “How I Met Your Mother”, she was so excited and encouraged me to finish the series. Sure, I’m going to finish the series and now I’m at the beginning of season 5. 4 seasons to go, and it’ll pass in the blink of an eye. Then, she said with a little laugh, “You know, Val, you’re just like the hopeless romantic Ted Mosby.”
I denied her statement right away because I’m nowhere near Ted Mosby and I was still in denial that I’m such a hopeless romantic. Why? Because I can say that I’m skeptical about love.
Well, being hopeless romantic sucks. Most people put some unpleasant labels on it that it is seen as a poor trait. And I hate that that ‘weak trait’ runs within me. Also, because I’m not as extreme as and as desperate as Ted Mosby. But the more I watch the show, I hate to admit that yes, I’m truly a hopeless romantic. And yes, in some parts, I’m just like Ted Mosby.
You can google the definition of hopeless romantic and Google will give you a lot of definitions and information. In short, a hopeless romantic is basically someone who continuously believes in love and keeps searching for it despite past experiences or struggles.
I was stunned when I read that definition because, well, that is just…me. I’m still believing in love, although my love stories so far consist of angst genre, although that one friend of mine keeps telling me that “Ale, love is dead! Accept it, dude!”.
I know some people see hopeless romanticism as a weakness, as someone who lives in their own romance fantasy and refuses to see the truth. But actually, there’s nothing wrong with being a hopeless romantic. We, the hopeless romantics, just have a lot of love to give and suddenly people say that is such a stupid thing to do? That is not fair. Therefore, I always try to keep reminding myself that I’m hopelessly romantic and I need to be aware of it, and here are the things that I (and maybe you) need to be aware of.
Romance is good, but keep the feet on the ground
A hopeless romantic love romance and maybe get a little obsessed with it. We love to watch romance movies, especially with happy endings, and imagine ourselves to be the main character. Or maybe we’re bawling our eyes out when we watch ‘The Notebook’ and hoping that we could have that kind of love.
That’s fine, really. But that’s just a movie. Movies were made to appease our fantasies and desires, and of course, they made them with a good plot, cinematography, scripts, etc. But the movie is based on a true story! Yes, based on a true story with some modifications to sweeten the plot.
It's normal to want magical moments in our lives, but don't forget that reality can be different from our expectations. Or, rather than hoping those magical moments would happen at the hands of someone else, why don’t you make it happen by yourself?
Fasten the seatbelt!
A hopeless romantic person tends to fall in love (too) fast and (too) hard. Sometimes, we believe in love (or lust) at the first sight. Or when we feel some chemistry with this certain person, we start to think that they may be the love of our life, that we are destined to be with that person. Maybe we even start to plan the wedding ceremony?!
Okay, hold up, stop right there. Do not put the Mosby move here.
So if you also watch HIMYM, you’ll know that in season 4 (spoiler ahead) Marshall and Lily suggest Robin to Mosby-ed Barney a.k.a confess that she loves Barney first since Barney loves Robin and Robin doesn’t want to be Barney’s lover. Mosby-ed here means that you say you love someone too fast, like, really fast, just like what Ted did to Robin on their first date.
I know maybe you feel the spark, the zing, or the chemistry between you and them and you want to rush things because you feel like you won’t ever have something like this for the second time or next time. But I need you to step back and think about it thoroughly. Do you really love that someone, or is it just a fling, a crush, or is it because you’re just lonely and desperate?
You aren’t the bull on corrida de toros, hence, don’t ignore the red flags
Since our head is already full of romance and the urge to make it into a reality, plus we have this tendency to fall in love too fast and too hard, we tend to fly right past the glaring red flags and this is not good. Always stay alert and pay attention to the little things.
This happened to me in my latest relationship. I thought I was already cautious, but I ignore the tiny little red flag. I was blinded by love and see the world in rose-tinted glasses. I learned the hard way and you do not need to follow my step. Also, you can save yourself from heartbreak or the wrong person.
Being all out is good, but don’t forget yourself
So you like this person and you would bend over backward for this person. We know that a relationship is about give and take, and it’s not always 50–50. Sometimes it’d be 60–40 or 30–70 or else. I understand that we want to give our best to someone that we love.
But if you’re on the giving side continuously until sacrificing yourself or your own need, then maybe you can have an intimate talk with yourself. Love yourself first, do not lose yourself for the sake of love.
I remember this episode from HIMYM where Ted was finally willing to move to New Jersey with Stella. He’d live far from his friends and give up his career. Sure Ted said that he agreed with it, but deep down he doesn’t want it. And I’m glad that in the end, Ted didn’t move to New Jersey with Stella. So folks put yourself first!
“The One” IS NOT REAL
The HIMYM series is focusing on Ted Mosby’s journey in order to find his ‘the one’. Ted is convinced that his ‘the one’ is out there and he needs to find her. He thought Robin was the one. He thought Victoria was the one. He thought Stella was the one. While in fact, they aren’t the ones. (Please remember when I write this, I haven’t finished the series)
Let me drop the bomb. “The One” is not real. Such a thing is not existing.
I found the concept of the one absurd and stop believing this concept some time ago. I mean, how could you know that they are truly the one for you? You could meet someone and think they’re the one. Then you meet someone else and you think this is it, they’re the one. You meet another person and you think no no no, this time they’re truly the one. This will be endless.
There are 8 billion people on this earth and everyone could be your ‘the one’. The One doesn’t just happen. You have to work on it, just like any kind of relationship.
Anyway, I’m glad that I have this skepticism about love. After what I see, read, or hear about all the unfortunate things related to love (including marriage) around me, of course, I grow this skepticism towards love. But this skepticism is always in spars with the hopeless romantic side of me. I guess that’s what keeps me on the ground.
As a lot of people and articles said, being a hopeless romantic isn’t bad. We just have to be more careful because we have such tender hearts and a lot of genuine love to give. Don’t give it to the wrong person who doesn’t deserve it.
